Parentification of the child: a case study of Bowlby's compulsive care-giving attachment pattern.

ABSTRACT

Compulsive care-giving is a pattern of adult attachment behavior in which the person emphasizes the importance of giving care in relationships rather than receiving it. The developmental antecedent of this pattern derives from role reversal in the parent-child relationship. Since care-giving directed from the child to the parent was so constantly associated by the parent with attachment, the child too inevitably associates it with attachment. It is important to differentiate this care-giving from care-giving initiatives that arise properly later in life in reciprocal relationships and true parental relationships. These adult care-giving behaviors arise from the care-giving system, and are complementary to the attachment system. By contrast, care-giving behaviors directed from a child to a parent arise from the child's attachment system and lead to dysfunctional relationships later in life as the individual loses any ability to express need or ask for care, yet retains a pervasive, unsatisfied neediness and longing for care. For such an individual in adulthood, the attachment and care-giving systems do not balance each other to yield stable reciprocal relationships but rather reinforce patterns of exclusive care-giving and the suppression of care-seeking.