The enticement of feeling understood, validated, and cared for: How does perceiving a partner as responsive affect the sexual arena?

Partners' behaviors outside the bedroom may spill over into the bedroom. One such behavior is responsiveness, as it creates a relationship ambiance conducive to the development of intimacy. In this article, I review research demonstrating how perceiving partners as responsive outside the bedroom affects the quality of sexual interactions, highlighting changes in the contextual meaning of partner responsiveness across individuals and relationship stages. I then provide an overview of the costs and benefits of responsiveness within the bedroom. I conclude by suggesting directions for future research on the potential of partner responsiveness for fostering a relationship environment that inoculates against alternative partners as well as for designing social robots and virtual mates for those in need of a surrogate partner.

Put Me in Your Shoes: Does Perspective-Taking Inoculate Against the Appeal of Alternative Partners?

People commit to monogamous relationships with the intent of maintaining sexual exclusivity but often fail to do so. Existing research has focused on individual and relationship characteristics that render relationships more vulnerable to infidelity, paying less attention to strategies that decrease the likelihood of straying. Three experiments investigated the impact of one strategy that might encourage people to enact relationship-protective responses toward alternative partners, perspective-taking. In all studies, participants either adopted the perspective of their partner or not and then evaluated, encountered, or thought about attractive strangers, in Studies 1-3, respectively. Participants' pro-relationship orientation and reactions during these experiences (interest in alternative and current partners, commitment to current relationships, and fantasmatic themes) were recorded. Results showed that perspective-taking decreased sexual and romantic interest in alternatives, while increasing commitment and desire for current partners. These findings suggest that partner perspective-taking discourages engagement in behaviors that may hurt partners and damage the relationship with them.

Is Infidelity Contagious? Online Exposure to Norms of Adultery and Its Effect on Expressions of Desire for Current and Alternative Partners.

Research exploring the determinants of infidelity has mainly focused on individual and relationship characteristics that render relationships vulnerable, paying less attention to the external circumstances that increase the likelihood of straying. The present research examined whether online exposure to norms of adultery would affect expressions of desire for alternative mates. In three studies, romantically involved participants were exposed to others' cheating behavior and then thought of or encountered attractive strangers. Their relationship perceptions and reactions during these experiences (fantasmatic themes, expressed interest in alternative partners, and overt flirtation with them in Studies 1-3, respectively) were recorded. Results showed that following exposure to others' cheating behavior, participants were less likely to devalue the attractiveness of alternative partners and to be committed to their relationship. These findings suggest that exposure to adultery norms decreases the awareness of long-term priorities of relationship maintenance, lessening the resistance to the temptation of attractive alternatives.

Sexual Desire Mediates the Relationship-Promoting Effects of Perceived Partner Mate Value.

Although sexual desire for one's partner is theorized to serve as a gut-level indicator of partner mate value that motivates investment in valued partners, there is scant empirical evidence to support this hypothesis. Five studies addressed this possibility, examining whether experiencing sexual desire encouraged the enactment of relationship-promoting behaviors and whether perceptions of partner mate value motivated this proposed process. In a pilot study and Study 1, participants relived an activity they experienced with their partner, which was either sexual or non-sexual. Then, participants rated their desire to engage in sex and other non-sexual relationship-promoting activities with their partner (pilot study) and their partner's responsiveness to personal disclosures. Participants' enacted responsiveness was also evaluated by judges (Study 1). Results showed that experiences of desire enhanced relationship-promoting tendencies. Using experimental, daily experiences, and longitudinal methods, Studies 2-4 extended these findings, indicating that both manipulated and perceived partner mate value predicted desire, which, in turn, was associated with engagement in relationship-promoting behaviors. These findings demonstrate that sexual desire functions as a mechanism encouraging investment in partners who are perceived to be worth pursuing and retaining.

Machine learning uncovers the most robust self-report predictors of relationship quality across 43 longitudinal couples studies.

Given the powerful implications of relationship quality for health and well-being, a central mission of relationship science is explaining why some romantic relationships thrive more than others. This large-scale project used machine learning (i.e., Random Forests) to 1) quantify the extent to which relationship quality is predictable and 2) identify which constructs reliably predict relationship quality. Across 43 dyadic longitudinal datasets from 29 laboratories, the top relationship-specific predictors of relationship quality were perceived-partner commitment, appreciation, sexual satisfaction, perceived-partner satisfaction, and conflict. The top individual-difference predictors were life satisfaction, negative affect, depression, attachment avoidance, and attachment anxiety. Overall, relationship-specific variables predicted up to 45% of variance at baseline, and up to 18% of variance at the end of each study. Individual differences also performed well (21% and 12%, respectively). Actor-reported variables (i.e., own relationship-specific and individual-difference variables) predicted two to four times more variance than partner-reported variables (i.e., the partner's ratings on those variables). Importantly, individual differences and partner reports had no predictive effects beyond actor-reported relationship-specific variables alone. These findings imply that the sum of all individual differences and partner experiences exert their influence on relationship quality via a person's own relationship-specific experiences, and effects due to moderation by individual differences and moderation by partner-reports may be quite small. Finally, relationship-quality change (i.e., increases or decreases in relationship quality over the course of a study) was largely unpredictable from any combination of self-report variables. This collective effort should guide future models of relationships.

Our Fragile Relationships: Relationship Threat and Its Effect on the Allure of Alternative Mates.

Long-term romantic commitments may offer many benefits. It is thus unsurprising that people employ strategies that help protect their relationships against the allure of alternative partners. The present research focused on the circumstances under which these strategies are less effective. Specifically, four studies examined the effect of internal relationship threat on expressions of desire for alternative mates. In Study 1, participants reported perceptions of relationship threat, their desire for their partner, and expressions of attraction to alternative mates. In Studies 2-4, participants underwent a threat manipulation and then encountered attractive strangers. Their reactions during these encounters (expressed interest, provision of help, and overt flirtation in Studies 2, 3, and 4, respectively) were recorded. Results showed that experiencing threat led to increased expressions of desire for alternatives. As indicated in Studies 1 and 2, decreased desire for current partners partially explained this effect, suggesting that desire functions as a gauge of romantic compatibility, ensuring that only valued relationships are maintained.

Evolved to be connected: the dynamics of attachment and sex over the course of romantic relationships.

Sexual urges and emotional attachments are not always connected. Still, joint operation of the sexual and the attachment systems is typical of romantic relationships. Hence, within this context, the two systems mutually influence each other and operate together to affect relationship well-being. In this article, we review evidence indicating that sex promotes enduring bonds between partners and provide an overview of the contribution of attachment processes to understanding the sex-relationship linkage. We then present a model delineating the functional significance of sex in relationship development. We conclude by suggesting future directions for studying the dual potential of sex for either deepening attachment to a current valued partner or promoting a new relationship when the existing relationship has become less rewarding.

What Fantasies Can Do to Your Relationship: The Effects of Sexual Fantasies on Couple Interactions.

Research addressing the underlying functions of sexual fantasies has mainly focused on variables associated with frequency and content of fantasies. Relatively less is known about how sexual fantasizing affects the relationship. Four studies examined the contribution of fantasizing about one's partner ("dyadic fantasies") to relationship outcomes. In Studies 1 and 2, participants fantasized either about their partner or about someone else and rated their desire to engage in sex and other nonsexual relationship-promoting activities with their partner. In Studies 3 and 4, romantic partners recorded their fantasies and relationship interactions each evening for a period of 21 and 42 days, respectively. In Study 4, partners also provided daily reports on relationship perceptions. Overall, dyadic fantasizing was associated with heightened desire and increased engagement in relationship-promoting behaviors. Relationship perceptions explained the link between dyadic fantasies and relationship-promoting behaviors, suggesting that such fantasies benefit the relationship by enhancing partner and relationship appeal.

The Fragile Spell of Desire: A Functional Perspective on Changes in Sexual Desire Across Relationship Development.

The sexual behavioral system evolved to motivate reproductive acts by arousing sexual desire. Building on the idea that this system has also been "exploited" by evolutionary processes to promote enduring bonds between romantic partners, the present article introduces an integrative model that delineates the functional significance of sexual desire in relationship formation and maintenance. This model explains why individuals' sexual reaction to their partner is context-dependent, clarifying how changes in the nature of interdependence over the course of relationships alter the ways in which specific predictors of sexual desire tend to promote (or inhibit) desire and thereby affect relationship depth and stability. The model postulates that although desire influences the development of attachment bonds, the contribution that it makes varies over the course of relationships. The model also provides new insight regarding fundamental but unresolved issues in human sexuality, such as the vulnerability of sexual desire and the desire-intimacy paradox.

Sex Unleashes Your Tongue: Sexual Priming Motivates Self-Disclosure to a New Acquaintance and Interest in Future Interactions.

Research has demonstrated the contribution of sexual activity to the quality of ongoing relationships. Nevertheless, less attention has been given to how activation of the sexual system affects relationship-initiation processes. Three studies used complementary methodologies to examine the effect of sexual priming on self-disclosure, a relationship-promoting behavior. In Study 1, participants were subliminally exposed to sexual stimuli (vs. neutral stimuli), and then disclosed over Instant Messenger a personal event to an opposite-sex stranger. Results showed that merely thinking about sex, even without being aware of it, encouraged self-disclosure. Study 2 replicated these findings in relatively naturalistic conditions (live face-to-face interactions following supraliminal video priming). Study 3 extended these findings, indicating that sexual priming facilitated self-disclosure, which, in turn, increased interest in future interactions with the stranger. Together, these findings suggest that activation of the sexual system encourages the use of strategies that allow people to become closer to potential partners.

Intimately connected: The importance of partner responsiveness for experiencing sexual desire.

Sexual desire tends to subside gradually over time, with many couples failing to maintain desire in their long-term relationships. Three studies employed complementary methodologies to examine whether partner responsiveness, an intimacy-building behavior, could instill desire for one's partner. In Study 1, participants were led to believe that they would interact online with their partner. In reality, they interacted with either a responsive or an unresponsive confederate. In Study 2, participants interacted face-to-face with their partner, and judges coded their displays of responsiveness and sexual desire. Study 3 used a daily experiences methodology to examine the mechanisms underlying the responsiveness-desire linkage. Overall, responsiveness was associated with increased desire, but more strongly in women. Feeling special and perceived partner mate value explained the responsiveness-desire link, suggesting that responsive partners were seen as making one feel valued as well as better potential mates for anyone and thus as more sexually desirable. (PsycINFO Database Record

Why do men prefer nice women? Gender typicality mediates the effect of responsiveness on perceived attractiveness in initial acquaintanceships.

Responsiveness may signal to a potential partner that one is concerned with her or his welfare, and may therefore increase sexual interest in this person. Research shows, however, that this proposition holds true for men, but not for women. In three studies, one observational and two experimental, we explored a potential mechanism that explains why men and women diverge in their sexual reactions to a responsive opposite-sex stranger. Studies 1 and 2 showed that men, but not women, perceived a responsive stranger as more gender typical (masculine/feminine) and, in turn, as more attractive. Study 3 revealed that responsiveness increased men's perception of partner's femininity. This, in turn, was associated with higher sexual arousal, which was, in turn, linked to greater partner attractiveness and greater desire for a long-term relationship. These findings suggest that whether responsiveness affects perceptions of partner attractiveness varies in individuals, depending on the contextually based meaning of responsiveness.

When sex goes wrong: a behavioral systems perspective on individual differences in sexual attitudes, motives, feelings, and behaviors.

In the research program summarized here, we adopted a behavioral systems approach to explain individual differences in human sexual behavior. In the 1st stage, we developed the Sexual System Functioning Scale (SSFS)-a self-report instrument for assessing hyperactivation and deactivation of the sexual system. Sexual hyperactivation involves intense but anxious expressions of sexual desire, whereas sexual deactivation includes inhibition of sexual inclinations. In subsequent stages, we administered the SFSS to 18 samples to determine its structural, convergent, discriminant, and predictive validity as well as its nomological network. We found that SSFS deactivation and hyperactivation scores are meaningfully associated with existing measures of sexual attitudes, motives, feelings, and behaviors and with measures of personal and interpersonal well-being. Moreover, the scores predict cognitive, affective, physiological, and behavioral responses to sexual stimuli. Implications of our findings for understanding the potential of sex for both joy and distress are discussed.

When does responsiveness pique sexual interest? Attachment and sexual desire in initial acquaintanceships.

Three studies examined the contribution of attachment orientation and perceived partner responsiveness to sexual desire in initial acquaintanceships. In all studies, participants discussed a recent negative event with an unfamiliar, opposite-sex partner and then rated how responsive this partner had been during the interaction and their desire to have sex with him or her. Study 1 examined the association between perceived partner responsiveness and sexual desire in randomly paired strangers. Studies 2 and 3 experimentally manipulated partner responsiveness by standardized Instant Messages (Study 2) and a confederate's responsive or unresponsive reactions during face-to-face interviews (Study 3). Results indicated that perceiving a partner as responsive was associated with heightened interest in sex with this partner, primarily among less avoidant people. These results are consistent with research showing that secure individuals see sex as a means of becoming close to relationship partners, whereas avoidant individuals tend to approach sex in distancing ways.

Changes in sexual experiences and relationship quality during pregnancy.

The present research examined changes in sexuality and relationship quality during pregnancy. In three studies, participants completed self-report scales of sex-related emotions, thoughts, motives, and experiences, as well as relationship quality. Study 1 (N = 361) examined the differences between pregnant and non-pregnant women in sexual and relational experiences. Study 2 (N = 25) monitored women's sexuality and relationship quality throughout the three trimesters of pregnancy. Study 3 examined gender differences in changes in sexual and relational experiences during the second and third trimesters of pregnancy among 31 cohabiting couples. The findings revealed that pregnant women were more sexually motivated by relational concerns than both their partners and non-pregnant women. Additionally, the results pointed to the involvement of two corresponding processes: Sexual enjoyment declined as pregnancy progressed, whereas relational satisfaction was relatively unchanged during pregnancy. These findings suggest that the progress of pregnancy may independently affect sexuality and relational quality.

In and out of a daydream: attachment orientations, daily couple interactions, and sexual fantasies.

In this study, the authors examined the contribution of attachment orientations to the content of daily sexual fantasies. The two partners of 48 couples independently reported on their attachment orientations and provided daily reports on relationship interactions and sexual fantasies for a period of 21 days. Results showed that attachment anxiety was associated with wishes for intimacy and representations of others as more affectionate in sexual fantasies. Conversely, avoidant attachment was associated with avoidance-related wishes and representations of the self and others as more aggressive and alienated. Negative couple interactions increased habitual attachment-related wishes and self-representations. Specifically, during days characterized by negative couple interactions (relationship-damaging behaviors), attachment anxiety was associated with portrayal of the self as more helpless and avoidant attachment was associated with the expression of more avoidant wishes and portrayal of the self as less helpless. The discussion focuses on the manifestations of attachment-related interpersonal goals in sexual fantasies.

The thin line between reality and imagination: attachment orientations and the effects of relationship threats on sexual fantasies.

The authors examined the effects of relationship threats on sexual fantasies. In two studies, participants described a sexual fantasy following an imagination task and reported their attachment orientations. In Study 1, participants imagined relationship or nonrelationship threat scenes. Results indicated that relationship threat led to fantasies that involved interpersonal distance and hostility themes. Furthermore, following relational threat, women and more anxiously attached individuals were most likely to use relationship-maintaining strategies in their fantasies. More anxiously attached individuals were also particularly likely to represent themselves as alienated. In Study 2, participants imagined sexual or emotional threat scenes. The findings showed that sexual threat elicited self-enhancement, whereas emotional threat led to fantasies involving both self-enhancement and attachment-related themes. Emotional threat was also most likely to induce negative views of others in more avoidant women. Implications for understanding the underlying functions of sexual fantasies within the context of romantic relationships are discussed.

When sex primes love: subliminal sexual priming motivates relationship goal pursuit.

The studies reported here provide, for the first time, experimental evidence to support the claim that sexual interest and arousal are associated with motives to form and maintain a close relationship. In five studies, sex-related representations were cognitively primed, either subliminally or supraliminally, by exposing participants to erotic words or pictures as compared with neutral words or pictures. The effects of "sexual priming" on the tendencies to initiate and maintain a close relationship were assessed using various cognitive-behavioral and self-report measures. Supporting the hypotheses, subliminal but not supraliminal exposure to sexual primes increased (a) willingness to self-disclose, (b) accessibility of intimacy-related thoughts, (c) willingness to sacrifice for one's partner, and (d) preference for using positive conflict-resolution strategies. The article discusses implications of these findings for the role of sex in close relationships and offers a conceptualization of possible relational motives of the sexual behavioral system.

Does subliminal exposure to sexual stimuli have the same effects on men and women?

Three studies explored gender differences in explicit and implicit components of sexual arousal following brief exposure to a sexual stimulus. Whereas Study 1 assessed reports of sexual arousal following subliminal exposure to a sexual or a neutral picture, Studies 2 and 3 examined the effects of the same priming procedure on accessibility of sex-related thoughts assessed with a pictorial judgment task and a lexical decision task. The subliminal sexual prime did not have an effect on men's reports of sexual arousal, but caused women to report lower levels of sexual arousal. In contrast, the same subliminal sexual prime led to higher accessibility of sex-related thoughts in both men and women. It is therefore suggested that the subliminal sexual prime causes women to activate sex-related mental contents but to experience the result as somewhat aversive.

When sex is more than just sex: attachment orientations, sexual experience, and relationship quality.

The authors explored the contribution of individual differences in attachment orientations to the experience of sexual intercourse and its association with relationship quality. In Study 1, 500 participants completed self-report scales of attachment orientations and sexual experience. The findings indicated that whereas attachment anxiety was associated with an ambivalent construal of sexual experience, attachment avoidance was associated with more aversive sexual feelings and cognitions. In Study 2, 41 couples reported on their attachment orientations and provided daily diary measures of sexual experiences and relationship interactions for a period of 42 days. Results showed that attachment anxiety amplified the effects of positive and negative sexual experiences on relationship interactions. In contrast, attachment avoidance inhibited the positive relational effect of having sex and the detrimental relational effects of negative sexual interactions. The authors discuss the possibility that attachment orientations are associated with different sex-related strategies and goals within romantic relationships.